Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
