I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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