I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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