Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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