3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
