ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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