why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
