I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
