Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
