kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
