would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
