Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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