I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
