She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
