i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
