You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
