I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
