my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
