Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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