did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
