quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize