if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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