Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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