I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
