I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
