Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
