I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
