every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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