well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
