Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
