I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
