Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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