dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
