this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
