i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
50% drunk capacity currently
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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