My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize