she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
