my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
