mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
