whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I sprained my soul last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
