Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
