nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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