so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
