it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
