I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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