Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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