She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
