you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
