So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pooping to opera.
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