I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
