Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize