I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
