He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize