According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
