Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
