I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
