yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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