All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
