my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
