She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
