i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
