Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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