smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
