so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
