I can tuck mytits in my pants
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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