I wish i was in the wii world.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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