The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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